


New Town, New Horizons

by Justkindawriting



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F, minimal costia/lexa, theres a baby, well a child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:18:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justkindawriting/pseuds/Justkindawriting
Summary: A tragic car accident, a single mother, a doctor, and a new town. Could this mean a new life?





	1. Lexa

**Author's Note:**

> This is a massive WIP. I have been working on it for YEARS it seems. Definitely months, I'll tell you that much. I'm at a massive roadblock with how I want this to turn out, but I'm hoping that posting it for you all will help me get that block out.
> 
> I definitely need something to break up all the school my brain has been enduring.
> 
> Hopefully this goes well. Enjoy!

Watching the rain drip off the multiple umbrellas feels almost comfortable. Almost. It's fitting though that today is overcast and rainy, it fits my mood perfectly. I haven't been whole in weeks. Months even. I can't remember the last time that I smiled and actually meant it. Or when it reached the corners of my eyes. It would have to be before the accident. No, it was definitely before the accident.

I shift my weight to the side, hoisting the little boy up further on my hip. It's comforting that he has no idea what is happening, loss at such a young age is painful. It's devastating. I'll tell him all about it in a couple years, when he's old enough to understand. Old enough to comprehend how to live with loss. How to still continue to live with losing someone you love. However, being the only one he has left, I don't know if I ever want him to know what it feels like.

My eyes are fixed on the headstone, they haven't left since I got out of the car and robotically followed the rest of the mourners to the massive hole in the ground. Asher hasn’t moved his head from my shoulder since I lifted him up after we got here. Maybe he knows what’s happening. They do say that children have a weird intuition that adults don’t. Maybe he actually understands that Mama isn't coming back.

Someone puts their hand on my back, and I’m not entirely sure who it is, I don’t think I care much honestly. I blink away the tears that have made home in my eyes over the last seven months and move forward. I move toward the casket. It’s draped in some sort of flower blanket I think. She hated flowers. I lift my right hand and touch the head of the casket, my feet feel like their anchored, my whole body feels heavy, I am definitely not ready to say goodbye.

Asher is lifted out of my arms and taken out of my line of vision, I press my lips to the cool wood before moving myself to the podium. I grasp the edges, feeling the rain subside from hitting me. I look up and see an umbrella covering me and begin to cry again, however, I don’t think I ever truly stopped. I take a deep breath in and let a shaky breath out.

“You all don’t understand what it means to me, to Asher, to our families, that you’re here this afternoon. I can’t even express my gratitude to each and every single one of you. This doesn’t feel real,” I look around at the group of people, finally after what seems like hours. “This isn’t real. I know,” I take a deep breath again, holding in it before slowly letting it out, “I don’t know, but I have heard that eulogies are supposed to celebrate the life of our lost love ones. But I can’t celebrate.

“I can’t bring myself to talk about the good times yet, it just hurts too much. But I do know that she is, well, would be happy that you all came here to celebrate her life. Thanks.”

I walk back over to the casket, placing a single rose over where her heart rests underneath the thick wood and flower blanket. I press my lips to the cool wood again and turn to my mother lifting Asher out of her arms. I head towards the car, not looking back at the area I just came from. I can’t, it feels too much like saying goodbye if I do. And I can’t say goodbye yet. I don’t know how. I don’t know if I ever will be able to.

I latch Asher into his carseat and take a second to look at him in the eyes. My eyes meeting his. Emerald green boring into my soul. He puts both his hands on either sides of my face, “Don’t cry mommy. I love you.” I press my lips to his forehead and tighten the straps on his car seat before settling myself into the seat next to him.

The driver side and passenger side doors open at the same time and the car dips with the weight of the two people entering it. The doors close and for a moment the car is completely silent. The only thing making any sound is the raindrops hitting the roof. I look out the window finally, her casket still sitting there, roses littered over the top of it. I kiss my fingers and blow them towards her.

“We'll meet again, love.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every day for the past year has just carried on in a blur. I've missed Birthdays, Anniversaries, important Holidays, all because my body is just working on autopilot. I'm not sure how I'm surviving, if I am even surviving at that. But I have to thank my parents greatly for helping as much as they can.

A part of me just wanted to uproot mine and Asher’s lives the instant after her funeral. It would have been heartless if I did that. It would have made it seem like I was running away. While maybe part of me really honestly wants to runaway, I can't. I need to stay here. It's healthy, or so I keep telling myself. We'll see how my mental sanity holds up once I finally get back on my feet.

“You need to get back to the shop,” my father tells me one Sunday afternoon during brunch. “It'll help clear your mind. It'll help you move on.”

“I don't want to move on, dad,” I sigh helplessly, setting my coffee mug in front of me.

“You're living in a grey area Lexa, you need to get yourself out of it. If not for your sake, for Asher’s. He can't lose two mothers out of this.”

I can't help but to feel bad. My father is right, I haven't been the mother Asher deserves in the last year and if I keep living in this limbo, he might resent me for it. I can't have that, I can't let my son hate me because I couldn't save his mom.

“Losing her isn't your fault, sweetheart. You aren't the reason she is gone,” He keeps telling me this, but for some weird reason I keep telling myself that it is, even though I know it isn't. Even though I know ending life support is definitely something she would have wanted.

I sigh again, something I have just grown custom to over the last 300 days, “I know that it isn't. And I know that Asher deserves the whole me, instead of the weak half that I have been giving him.”

“Maybe a change of scenery? Maybe a new city will help the both of you. Maybe it will help you find yourself again. You deserve to be happy, Lexa. She would have wanted you to be happy, you know that.” He reaches forward and places his hands on mine. “It isn't running away. It isn't forgetting about her. She lives in your heart, in your memories, in Asher.”

He keeps his hands over mine, his eyes staying fixed on me. I haven't made eye contact with anyone in the last month. I can't. I know that the second I do the dam will break and I'll be rendered useless again. It's just going to take time. I just have to keep telling myself that.

“Think about it for a couple days, Lexa. You know that your mother and I will support you and your decision. We want what's best for you.” 

His hands slide off mine after he gives them a tight squeeze. I almost reach out to him, so I can have that contact again, so I can feel whole for just a moment longer. He stands up, straightening his button down shirt up and places his hands on his hips.

“Thanks,” I mumble towards the table, loud enough that I know he heard me but quiet enough that if you weren't paying attention you'd miss it. “I'm trying. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am. It's just hard.” I stand up, grabbing the peacoat off the back of my chair slipping my arms into it. My father walks around the table and wraps his arms around me tight. Something he's always done when I've been sad or hurt.

“You weren't much older than Asher when your mother passed away Lexa. You got through that, we got through that. Remember what we used to say?” He steps back an arms length and looks at me, I nod slightly.

“One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time,” I nod my head again and step back into him for another hug. “I'm sorry that I have been so hollow, but you know how it feels, losing the love of your life. I'll get back to where I was. I just need some time.”

The days have started to warm up, they're not nearly as gloomy as they have been for the last few weeks. However, I don't know if they have actually been gloomy or if my mood has just projected my outlook on the weather. I make my way through the streets of the city, thinking about what the strangers I pass by on a daily basis are going through.

I have created stories for some of them in the back of my mind. It helps me think about something other than losing her. Other than seeing her in him every single morning. It's helped me realize that maybe I can survive this. That I actually can get through this and come out strong on the other side.

“MOMMY!” Asher bolts from one side of the room to me in a matter of a second, leaping into my arms with a big smile on his face. It's hard not to give him a genuine smile when he looks at me like that. His love for me is so pure, sometimes I can't even imagine how we created him.

“Hey buddy. Did you have fun with Aunt Ayna?” He nods in agreement, squirming to get out of my arms and back to his toys on the other side of the room. “Thanks for being available on such short notice,” I wrap my arms around her tightly. “I needed that talk with dad.”

I met Anya when I was seven or so. My dad married her mom and at the time it was the last thing I ever wanted. For years it had been him and me against the world, taking on demon after demon. My seven year old self thought that since he was marrying someone else that he wouldn't want to fight them with me. He still did though, and alongside him, Ayna and Isabella helped fight those demons.

I couldn't have asked for a better family to be surrounded by. They taught me that blood doesn't always make family, sometimes just the love you all have for each other is enough. And through all the tough times we've all been dealt, love is enough.

“Don't mention it. Really. How are you?” Anya rubs her hands up and down my upper arms looking me up and down, “You look good.”

“Thanks. I have my days you know? Some are harder than others. Some seem absolutely impossible, but I'm taking each day at a time. I'm not sure how else to do it.”

“I'm sure having Asher around helps keep you busy,” she looks over to him playing with a toy dinosaur.

“It does, but it's still hard. I see her in him a lot. More than I ever thought I would,” I shrug out of my coat and toss it on the back of the couch. “Dad thinks I should get back to work, or move, or do something than just stay stuck.”

“Do you want to do that?” She asks moving around the couch and sitting down on it.

“I don't know,” I shrug, “somehow it makes me feel like I'm leaving her, like I'm abandoning everything that we had, that we built together.” I sit down next to her. Asher toddles over and begins climbing his dinosaurs over my legs, I scruff his hair a little bit, letting a smile fall on my face. “He is just so perfect.”

“You aren't abandoning her. We all tell you this daily, but you know she would want you to be happy. You know she would want you to get back up on your feet and take each day by the horns. She would want you to do that for yourself and for him,” she looks down at the little boy who is now standing between us, dinosaurs on both our legs.

“I know that. I keep making excuses to not move forward, because I know she would have if the situation were changed. Plus I don't want to leave you guys. You've been the reason I've managed through the last year. Without you, I don't know where I would have ended up.

“I think I just need a little bit longer, her birthday is next week and I think before I can move forward I need to have that last little,” I move my hands in front of me signaling something, not sure what, but something. Anya understands, she just nods her head.

“Promise me after that, you'll get back up. You'll either look into a new place or go back to work. At least part time if anything. He's in school in the morning anyways, you could do something during that time, that way you have nights with him.”

I can only nod, I can't make a promise like that. Not yet at least, I'm not ready to make that promise to her. I just need to keep playing it one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time. It'll all work out.

**6 months later**

“Asher! Didn't mommy tell you to make sure you cleaned up all the toys inside before you could go outside?” The little boy looks up from the sandbox in the backyard to Anya, to me, then back to Anya.

“Don't look at me little guy, go clean up your toys, I'll work on the castle while you're gone.”

Asher runs over to the sliding door slipping inside between my legs to the play room. You can hear small toys thunk into the toy chest and a couple minutes later small feet patter back through the hallway.

“I'm sorry mommy, s’all clean now, can I go back out and play with Aunt Ayna?” He wraps his little arms around my thigh and looks up to me, his eyes greener than I remember them ever being.

“Sure can little man,” He squeezes my leg again and books it back over to the sandbox, being careful not to ruin the sandcastle him and Anya have been working hard at for the last 15 minutes.

A year ago I wouldn't have thought I'd be here. A year ago I wouldn't have pictured looking into my backyard, my son playing in a sandbox with his aunt. I wouldn't have imagined that I'd finally be able to live each day almost as lightly as I did with Costia, but here I am.

Anya moved with us, she claimed she didn't have anything holding her to the city and she could use a change in scenery as well. Part of me thinks that she moved with us to keep an eye on me. To make sure that I wasn't going to fall off the rails. I appreciate it, I appreciate her, whether her moving out here was to keep an eye on us or not.

It's nice having someone in a place you don't know though. It helps the loneliness stay at bay. It helps with going out to the grocery store or looking for schools to enroll Asher come fall time. Having her here helps so much more than I realize.

We've only been here for a few weeks, a lot of our boxes are still packed up and have been pushed to the side so we could just enjoy the little bit of time before I finally go back to work. 

“Mommy look! I'm a dinosaur!” Asher makes a growling sound before stomping his feet into the sandcastle him and Ayna just finished. He let's out a laugh that is nothing but pure happiness. Anya gets up and starts making growling noises too and begins stomping along suit.

“Come on mommy! Come be a dinosaur with us!” And in that moment, any sadness I had in me, anything that was keeping me back from living, faded. I tossed my sandals off and jogged the short distance to the sandbox and became a dinosaur.

My smile didn't quite reach my eyes, but it was getting there, I could tell. Maybe this move was going to be a good thing after all.


	2. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to toss a second chapter up. After this I'll probably just toss one up every week or two.

“Alright kiddo, you're all set!” I drop the syringe in the hazard waste bin on the wall and place a band-aid over the small dot of blood on the little girls arm in front of me.

“I didn't feel a thing! And look mom! I got a pirate band-aid! It's so cool,” the little girl in front of me looks down to her shoulder then back up to her mom, a giant smile on her face.

The little girl jumps off the table in front of me and opens the door beginning her journey to the front door of the office. I follow out after her mom and remind her to grab a sucker from the front desk for being such a good patient.

“Thanks Dr. Griffin, we'll see you next time.”

I make my way into the lounge, pouring myself a cup of coffee before finding today's news paper and making myself comfy on the couch.

I never thought that I'd end up here. Not here per se. But here. I always wanted to be a surgeon, but my love for kids became outrageous while I was in medical school. I thought about becoming a peds surgeon but there is something about having to operate on a child that I couldn't bring myself to. Alas, here I am. I love my job, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I miss the smell of a hospital.

I spent the mass majority of my time there as a kid with my mom being the head of cardio and my dad being head of oncology. Whenever I wasn't at school and they were at the hospital (which honestly was about 90% of the time) I'd hang out in an on-call room or walk around the ER with some of my favorite nurses.

Being a kid and growing up around a hospital was pretty cool. At least in my opinion it was.

There's a loud sigh followed by a body falling into the couch next to me, brown hair falling over my shoulder.

“I don't know why I decided to run this morning when I knew damn sure it was going to be busy all day. Back to school and what not,” Octavia leans her head back looking up at the ceiling. 

“I don't know why you'd run anyways,” I quip taking a sip from my cooling coffee while placing the newspaper on the table in front of us.

“Come on Griff, you can't look this good by pigging out on pizza and beer all the time,” she rolls her eyes

“I look pretty damn good for pigging out on pizza and beer all the time,” I shove my shoulder into hers and she laughs.

“You've got good genes. Look at Abby, she's killin’ it for being her age. I hope I can only look that good when I'm in my 50s.”

“You probably won't,” I deadpan while standing up and finishing off the coffee. I place the mug at the corner of the sink and wash my hands.

Octavia scoffs. I can feel her eyes boring into the back of me, “You move out and your horrible habits stayed huh? How hard is it to rinse that mug out?” She stands behind me and flicks the sink back on, “rinse”.

I can't help but to roll my eyes. Living with Octavia was hell. In a good way though. I'm such a mess that having someone who needed to keep everything neat and organized helped me   
to keep myself neat and organized. It's helped some. But not much.

I do laundry every couple days and I actually wash my dishes, I just find other things to do that are more entertaining, like draw or paint. The living area of my apartment looks normal, my bedroom however, well let's just say it's a good thing I'm not having guests over to stay in it.

“Better mom?” I place the mug upside down on the drying mat hearing a hum of approval from behind me. I dry my hands off with a paper towel before making my way to the door. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have a little boy that needs to get booster shots. I'll see yah later!”

My fingers rap softly on the wooden door in front of me before I hear a soft ‘come in’ from the other side. Looking over the file in my hand I make my way across the small exam room. After a couple seconds I finally look up while rubbing hand sanitizer over my hands.

Wow. Just wow. That is one beautiful girl sitting on the exam table with the cutest little boy in her lap. Part of me can't even form words and the other part of me knows I need to be professional.

“Hey there buddy, I'm Dr. Griffin, what's your name?” He curls into the shoulder of the stunning woman holding him and I can't help but to let the biggest grin come over me.

“Are you gonna be shy now? You were being so flirty with the nice lady in the lobby. Tell Dr. Griffin what your name is sweetheart,” the brunette whispers loud enough for me to overhear.

“Asher,” he looks back over to me and it's a toss up of who has greener eyes in this room, him or his mother.

“It's nice to meet you! I usually wait until after the exam to give you a sucker, but I think that maybe today you might be able to have two.” His eyes go wide and he looks between me and those fucking beautiful green eyes. “That's only if it's okay with your mom.”

“Can I mommy?” He asks with the most sincerest voice possible. She pretends to think about it hard for a few seconds.

“I guess that wouldn't be a problem,” Asher wiggles in his mother's arms and eagerly rips off the wrapper handing it to her.

“I can take that,” I place my palm face up tossing out the piece of garbage into the bin. I offer my hand to the brunette, “Dr. Griffin,” she takes my hand gingerly, yet giving it a firm shake.

“Alexandria, but most everyone calls me Lexa,” she let's her hand drop into her lap after a couple seconds.

“Nice to meet you,” I pull on a pair of gloves.

“Likewise,” she responds adjusting the squirming toddler in her lap.

“Alright buddy, I'm gonna listen to your heartbeat real quick, when I ask you to breathe in deep, can you do that for me?” He nods his head eagerly continuing to lap at his sucker.

After his quick examination I take a seat on the stool in front of the table propping my elbow on the counter looking over his file again.

“New to the area?” I ask, annotating small things in the file.

“Yeah, we've been here a couple months. The school just let me know which vaccines I needed to make sure he had, so I figured I'd make an appointment sooner rather than later,” Lexa let's Asher out of her arms and he goes over to the toy box in the corner pulling out a small train, beginning to drive it across the floor.

“Well, welcome! This little area is nice, I moved here a couple years ago and it's probably one of the best decisions I've made. City life isn't the life for me.” Lexa just nods, in what seems like understanding. 

“We just needed something different,” there's a hint of sadness in her voice as she looks down at Asher continuing to play with the train.

“I definitely understand that,” I stand up off the stool and make my way over to the door. “I will be right back with those s-h-o-t-s,” I scruff Asher’s hair on my way out.

On my way down the hall I run into Octavia again, “Dude O, the most beautiful human I have ever laid eyes on is in exam room 3 and Jesus, Lord, oh my God.”

“Damn Griff, keep it in your pants,” she laughs and falls into step with me towards the back room.

“No, but seriously. And her son, oh my God, he's the most precious thing ever. He is like a miniature male version of her.” I begin getting the shots ready milling about the back room.

“The whole patient doctor thing doesn't work, you know that,” Octavia shakes her head and grabs a syringe preparing a shot.

“She isn't my patient. Plus she has a kid, so she is more than likely married, or in a relationship or something. Probably straight.” I drop the 3 syringes in my pocket before turning the corner giving a wave to Octavia.

“Look for a ring!” I hear her shout after me and I can't help but to let out a laugh.

Asher is surprisingly a better patient than most 4 year olds tend to be, I think that Lexa is actually worse than he is. But I hear being a mom makes you super protective. At least that's what mine used to tell me when I went through my rebellious, pink hair, sneaking out, binge drinking phase.

“You did such an awesome job Asher! You're such a champion!” He gives me a toothy grin and climbs back into Lexa’s lap I hand him another sucker and he opens it up giving Lexa the garbage once again. I hold my hand out and laugh as she disposes the wrapper in my hand.

Lexa stands up hoisting Asher up onto her hip. I open the door up and usher the two of them towards the waiting room.

“Well it's going to be hard to top the best patient of the day, but I can only hope that the rest of them are half as awesome as you are, little guy!” I give him a big smile and he grins back with the sucker poking out of his mouth.

“It was a pleasure meeting you Lexa, if anything comes up health wise, you know where we are,” I offer my hand to her to shake again.

“Thanks Dr. Griffin,” she shakes my hand and places a soft kiss on top of Asher’s head.

“Take care,” I shut the door behind the two of them and catch Octavia out of the corner of my eye with a knowing smirk on her face.

“What?” I begin walking back towards the lounge to make myself lunch, she follows suit.

“Hot mom isn't married. There's no ring! And she smiled at you! And she's hot, if I were down for that, I'd be into that.”

I slap her on the back of the head and grab a sandwich out of the refrigerator, “you’re ridiculous, you know that?” She sits across from me drizzling dressing on her salad.

“Yeah, yeah, but you love me.”

“Unfortunately.”


	3. Lexa

“It's looking insanely nice in here!” Anya climbs down off the ladder wiping her paint covered hands on her overalls.

“Yeah you think so? I was worried about the color combo on the mural against the other walls, but I think it looks okay. I wouldn't be able to tell an amateur did it.”

“You're not an amateur though,” I look around the remainder of the room. “When do you think we'll be able to open this place?”

“I'm hoping by the weekend. I only have a couple finishing touches to add around the place and everything is just waiting on us to set it up.”

“Is it weird that I'm nervous for it?” I ask hopping up to sit on one of the counters. “I mean the shop back home does so well, I hope this one does the same.”

Anya sets her hands on her hips nodding in agreement, “I'm actually kind of nervous too. I mean I'm certain that this place is going to do well, there aren't many cafés around here. And most of the ones that are around here are just coffee shops. I think actually having a bakery will help immensely.”

Anya looks around the room as if just noticing Asher didn't come skipping in with me, “where's the little one?” She asks.

“Mom and dad just got in. They asked if they could take him to lunch and the park. Offered to give me some Lexa time. Whatever that may be,” I start swinging my legs idly looking around the room again.

“What's going on in there?” Anya raises an eyebrow and points at my head with the end of her paintbrush.

“A lot. Too much to be honest,” Anya climbs back up the ladder and begins painting the wall again.

“I'm all ears. You know that. Clearly, I've got nowhere to be but here Lex. Lay it out for me.” She glances over her shoulder before going back to her work.

I blindly pick at an invisible piece of lint on the knee of my pants and sigh, “I miss her a lot. I know that it's been well over what any normal person would consider grieving time, but with the opening of the café and Asher starting kindergarten,” I shrug and wipe the single tear that escapes from my left eye. “I just miss her.”

“Lexa, there isn't an allotted amount of time someone gets to grieve the loss of someone they were in love with. You're allowed to miss her. I actually think something might be wrong with you if you didn't miss her.”

“I just feel bad,” I go back to picking at the fabric of my jeans.

“Feel bad about?” Anya stops painting and turns on the ladder looking down at me. It makes me feel small. Smaller than I already feel.

“I met someone. Well, I didn't technically meet her, but we met. I took Asher to get some booster shots for school and his pediatrician is,” I shake my head and look down at the tarp covered ground, “she's breathtaking.”

“You feel bad for being human and acknowledging the attractiveness of a girl?” She shakes her head at me and lets out an amused laugh. My head shoots up and I set my glare hard at her, “that glare has never scared me little sis.”

“I feel like if I try to get back out there, back on the horse so to speak, I'll be erasing her. I'll be forgetting her completely.” Before being able to add anything, I'm hit with a balled up rag.

“You're an idiot,” Anya turns back to the mural, “You're allowed to get back out there. You're allowed to realize that someone is attractive. You're allowed to fantasize about someone. Making yourself happy isn't forgetting her. It's caring about your wellbeing. It's caring about Asher.”

“I feel like I'd be betraying her.”

Anya stops painting again and climbs down the ladder wiping the paint off her hands. She walks over to me and takes both my hands in hers.

“Listen to me, okay?” I nod in agreement. “Costia would want you to be happy. Everything that has happened this far wasn't your fault. That car swerving into her lane wasn't your fault. You making the decision to end life support wasn't your fault. Moving out here, starting with a slightly fresh slate is something we all know you needed. In the last month you've seemed lighter, you've smiled more than I can even recall.

“You deserve with every single ounce of being inside you to be happy. Whether it be with mysterious hot doctor or alone. You deserve it. I know that. Mom knows that. Dad knows that. Asher deserves that. And Costia is looking down on you wishing and hoping that you can find someone to pour your giant heart into.”

Anya squeezes my hands, tears falling down my cheeks. “You have so much love in that heart of yours Lexa, someone out there deserves to have it. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself go loose. Enjoy life, you're too young to become an old maid.”

That makes me laugh, a genuine laugh that I didn't think I'd be able to muster after a speech like that. Anya wipes her thumbs over my cheeks clearing the tears. She pulls me in for a hug and as much as I want to accept it, I push her away.

“I don't want my clothes to be covered in gross paint that will never come out!”

Anya laughs and makes her way back over to the ladder. She speaks as she climbs back up it, “Now that that is over, how about you start setting up behind the counter. The quicker we get this all finished, the quicker we can open and the more money we can make!”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The café has been opened for a week now and it took off far better than expected. The opening day we nearly sold out of the pastries. Anya and I were blown away by the feedback, and returned customers we got only within a week. Maybe this new town was a good idea after all.

Dad and Isabella helped the first two days we were opened, just so that we didn't get in over our heads. It was a nice gesture, having them here helped tremendously.

I had just unlocked the door for the day and after moving around the shop, making sure everything was in order the door dinged open and the voice of two girls filled the quiet room. Slipping in behind the counter I wipe my hands off on the towel that's hanging over the waist of my apron.

Without looking up, I greet them. “Good morning, what can I get for you two today?” As soon as I look up I can't help the small smile that comes across my face.

Standing in front of me is none other than those beautiful blue eyes. “I didn't know you worked at this place!” She greets setting her keys and phone down on the counter.

“I actually own this place,” I smile a little wider at her and her friend.

“Well, color me impressed. We came in the other morning before starting the day and Octavia here hasn't stopped talking about those scones you guys have. I didn't see you though.” She looks over to the girl known as Octavia and gives her wide eyes.

“Asher had a walkthrough of the preschool earlier in the week, I was probably there. This is a job,” I sweep my arms around gesturing to the room, “but he's a career.” The two of them laugh. “Wow, that made me sound like I hate being a mom. I don't, I love it, God do I love it.”

“With a kid like that, I don't see how you couldn't love it,” Dr. Griffin responds, her smile becoming wider across her face.

“What can I get for you Dr. Griffin?”

“Oh, Clarke. You can just call me Clarke. No need for formalities. It's just a couple letters.” Octavia scoffs next to her.

“I literally make everyone call me doctor. I worked really fucking hard to get here. Everyone calls me doctor.” Octavia looks between Clarke and I her forehead creasing while she rants.

“Well, you can call me Clarke and you can call this loser over here Dr. Crazy.”

“I'm not crazy, Dr. Know-it-all” Octavia puts into quotation marks, Clarke turning towards her.

“I'm not a know it all I'm just smarter than you!” Clarke.

“Well I'm better looking!” Octavia.

“We're both hot, you know that!” Clarke.

“We are both hot. But I'm hotter.” Octavia.

“You're an idiot.” Clarke.

My eye bounce back and forth between the two girls arguing in front of me and I must look ridiculous because when the two of them finally turn back towards me they’re laughing.

“You're staring at us like you just saw someone get shot,” Clarke states between each melodic laugh.

“I don't really know what I just saw to be honest,” I shake my head and a soft smile sits on my face.

“I'll take one of those cranberry scones and a large black coffee.” Clarke orders and Octavia laughs behind her.

“Bitter, just like your soul,” Clarke slaps her and motions for her to place her order.

“Even though I hate you right now, I still owe you breakfast. Order.”

Octavia orders the same scone and an iced coffee, I hear Clarke mumble something about it matching the coldness of her heart and it makes me chuckle. Their banter, however weird it is, makes me feel a little lighter. Plus, that smile on Clarke's face is a pretty nice sight. I wouldn't mind being the reason it was there.

I shake my head at my inner thoughts and tell myself that if anything she's probably insanely straight and insanely taken. Someone would be crazy to not want to date a beauty like that.

They both grab their coffees and scones before exchanging polite goodbyes with me. As they walk out the door, Anya walks in and notices the smile on my face.

“Shit, should I take a picture while you're smiling? Remind you what you look like with one on your face! You look human,” and sets her purse and keys down on the back table.

“That was her!” I whisper softly as if she were still in the café and could hear anything I said.

“The brunette?” Anya asks raising her eyebrow at me.

“No, the blonde,” I respond looking out towards the door thinking she would come back in, yet knowing she wouldn't be.

“Lexa has a thing for a Blondie? That's a first!” Anya teases hopping onto the counter.

“Shut up. Did Stacy make it over? Is Asher okay?”

Anya rolls her eyes, “If she didn't I wouldn't be here and if he wasn't your phone would have about a million missed phone calls from me”.

“He was asleep when I came in this morning and I didn't get to hear him say ‘bye mommy’ and give me a kiss before I left,” I slump against the counter.

The café doesn't get busier until mid-morning and it's only quarter after 7. I glance at the watch on my left wrist and will 2 to come faster. I just want to get home to my little boy and snuggle him.


	4. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh so it's been a real hot minute.
> 
> I actually hadn't realized how long it had been. Life got messy and school got hard and I couldnt figure out how I wanted this chapter to go, but one long ass day at work and endless re-reading has me thinking that this is good to go.
> 
> Hopefully.

Clarke

“I'm literally going to kill you,” I glance over to Octavia who stuffing her scone into her face.

“What? Why?” She asks with a mouthful.

“Because you're an ass, and said I was bitter in front of Lexa. I am not bitter. I am far from bitter!” I let out in a huff and take a sip off my coffee. This is probably the best coffee I've ever tasted and I can't put a finger on why.

“Stop being so sensitive. I don't think she actually believes me. You saw her face, she was so confused on what was actually going on. It was kind of cute really.” We stop at a crosswalk and Octavia presses the button over and over.

“Just because you press that button a thousand times doesn't mean it'll change the light any faster,” Octavia just grunts at me while continuing to press it.

The day drones on just the same as every day leading up to the beginning of the school year. Endless vaccinations, the occasional cold and bump or bruise.

“Dinner at my place tonight?” Octavia looks over to me from the file shes examining. 

“You can’t cook,” she looks back down at the file and flips a page over.

“I’ll order take out. Come on, I’ll ask Raven. Bring Linc. It’s been like forty years since we’ve all had a family dinner. Why not have one now?”

“Stop exaggerating. I’ll ask Lincoln. He’s been really busy lately with getting that gym up and running. He’s been so stressed out that sometimes I think that he’s on the brink of a complete and total meltdown. Who knows, he might welcome the distraction for a night.”

“Bell too! I know that he has kind of been out of the loop, but I miss him and his goofy ass. And I know it has been too long since you’ve seen your own brother.”

Octavia closes the file and sets it on the table in front of her. Bellamy moved across town last year to be closer to his job. He’s been kind of distant from the group since. No one is really sure why, he won’t even really talk to Octavia about it, and you can tell that it bothers her a lot. I mean, he’s really all she’s had since she was a kid. Their dad wasn’t ever in the picture and their mom killed herself when Bell was 10 and Octavia 4.

She pulls out her phone and taps away at the screen. I’m assuming she’s asking Lincoln if he’s interested in coming over or not. I follow suit and shoot Raven a text.

**Clarke (2:48pm): Yo genius. Up for dinner at the house?**

**Ray (2:48pm); Uh, when would I ever pass up a free meal?!**

**Clarke (2:49pm): I knew you’d say yes. I asked O if she and Linc. wanted to come over too. I told her to invite Bell since he’s in town for a conf. It's been a coon since he's been around**

**Ray (2:51pm): Think that's smart? You know how rocky that sib ship has been the last couple months**

**Clarke (2:51pm): Maybe it's what needs to happen. He's been weird. He needs to explain. We won't hit him right when he gets there, but maybe just after**

**Clarke (2:54pm): PERFECT! O and Linc are down. Bell said he’d stop over for a bit, and is bringing someone so we have to behave ourselves.**

**Ray (2:55pm): GIRLFRIEND?!**

**Ray (2:55pm): BOYFRIEND?!**

**Clarke (2:55pm): We’ll see!**

**Clarke (2:56pm): Be over by 6. I’ll have a beer open and waiting for you!**

**Ray (2:56pm): I’d marry you if you’d give me a chance Griff!**

**Clarke (2:58pm): You know you’re not my type rocket scientist**

**Ray (3:00pm): ya ya ya, you like tall, dark, with baggage**

**Clarke (3:04pm): I’m going to murder O. Maybe dinner will be cancelled on account of my ass being in prison.**

 

I haven’t really gotten time to get the condo decorated. Or unpacked. Or cleaned. I’m a mess and it’s pretty obvious. I haven’t really ever been put together. When I was a kid my parents tried their hardest to make sure I kept my room cleaned. Or at least not messy. It never really stuck. I had painting materials all over the place. Along with chalks and oil crayons, half finished works of art. Art that I thought looked like garbage but had potential to look okay eventually.

Basically I was a starving artist before I even knew what that term meant. And honestly, if it weren’t for the diplomas I have proudly hung on the wall in the living room, and the lab coats haphazardly tossed over furniture, someone would probably still think that I am.

I drop the pizzas on the counter and slide a new case of beer in the fridge next to the half finished one. I pull out one and crack it open taking a long pull off of it before setting it down on the counter. I grab another one out and crack it open, knowing Raven will more than likely be early. I change out of my scrubs and put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I quickly survey my condo and decide it's best to pick up the odds and ends lying around. My friends already know that I am a slob, I can’t have someone I don’t know thinking that I am though. Not yet at least.

Raven barges through the front door and like promised, I hand her the second opened beer. She kicks her boots off and tosses them into the pile of shoes that accent the front door. “You’d make the best housewife Griff, you know that?”

“I'm not up to my eyeballs in student loan debt to be a housewife, Ray,” she takes a sip off her beer.

Raven looks around the condo and looks back at me before sliding into a stool at the bar separating the living room and the kitchen. “Okay, okay. Well, you’d be the best housewife if you knew how to actually clean. You’re getting old, you should learn what a vacuum is. I can teach you how to use one.”

I grab the cap from the opened beer and chuck it at her, “I know what a fucking vacuum is asshole. And for your information when I’m not Doctor Griffin, I’m starving artist Griffin. How long have you known me? I can’t change. Take me as I am or our relationship will never work out.”

Octavia and Lincoln walk in and follow suit of kicking their shoes off into the pile that’s by the front door. “What are you two arguing about,” Lincoln asks walking over to give me a hug. “It’s been too long Clarke, how are you?”

“Raven can’t love me for the mess that I am, she’s just going to have to learn to live her life without me as her wife.” I give Lincoln a hug back and offer him and Octavia beers. “I bet you’re happy to have me out of that apartment. With my mess and all,” he laughs and opens a beer handing it to Octavia before opening his own.

“You know I loved that mess of yours,” he takes a drink of his beer.

“I fucking hated it. I fucking hated it so much,” O opens the top pizza box and grabs a piece of Hawaiian pizza out and takes a bite. “But I love you, and I love that even though you refuse to accept that pineapple is the best pizza topping you still get it for me.”

“Well, I have to make you love me one way or another.”

 

I met Octavia and Raven in 6th grade when my family moved to the area and we all clicked instantly. It was almost like I knew them my entire life. They welcomed me into the area and into the school so openly. The first sleepover we had Octavia demanded we have pineapple on our pizza. The three of us got into a huge fight about how pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza (or does if you’re a Blake sibling), and ended up getting pineapple on our pizza. 

The four of us just hung out, catching up on things. Lincoln was telling us how the gym was coming along when there was a knock on the door. We all looked at each other knowing that there was only really one person, well two persons, that it could be. I stand up from the table and open the door swiftly revealing the tall, dark and handsome man on the other side.

It takes every fiber of my being not to jump into his arms and give him a huge hug. I settle in for a normal hug, squeezing him a little tighter than normal, letting him know that it had been too long, that I was happy that he could fit us into his schedule, and that regardless of everything I still love him. That I still consider him to be a big brother to me. 

He steps into the condo, a girl, similar in height, steps in behind him.

“Well, welcome to my lovely home! It doesn’t look too homey yet, I haven’t gotten a chance to settle,” I extend my hand to the girl standing behind Bellamy, “I’m Clarke, nice to meet you…”

 

“Gina,” she smiles brightly taking my hand in hers.

“Well, it is very nice to meet you, can I get you a drink? We have beer. I’ve got booze somewhere around here, I can make you a mixed drink.”

She lifts a coin off the chain around her neck, “Three years clean. I’ll just take a water if that isn’t too much trouble.”

I nod knowingly, “No trouble at all, I can make them all stop drinking if it bothers you.”

“Nah, it’s all good. I can’t spend my life avoiding something so common. Bell here has actually been really cool with helping me realize that. Temptation is everywhere you know?”

“Oh don’t I?” I grab a bottle of water out of the pantry and hand it to her.

“Who is your friend Bell?” Lincoln finally interrupts, bringing the three of us back into the dining room area.

“Guys, this is,” Bellamy reaches down and grabs Gina’s hand. I notice how she squeezes his hand and can’t help a small smile grow on my face. “This is Gina, my girlfriend.”

Smiles grow on everyone's faces around the room except Octavia. This is clearly her first time hearing of Bellamy’s relationship and she doesn’t seem too impressed. It can’t be about the fact that Bell is finally dating someone. I mean he's never really brought anyone home before, but it's no surprise that he would sooner rather than later.

There is a chorus of congrats and bottles clinking in a cheers to the two of them. Once again, except for Octavia. After everything settles down she finally speaks up.

“Is this why you’ve been so distant Bell?”

Bellamy doesn’t make eye contact with her just nods his head.

“You’ve been all aloof and shit because you have a girlfriend now?”

Bellamy just nods again.

“WHAT. THE. FUCK. I literally thought you were like sick or became a drug dealer or something. Bell, you know that none of us, especially me, care if you’re seeing someone or not. Shit Bell, you had me scared shitless.”

Bellamy runs a hand through his hair, “I know, I know, O. I’m sorry for being like that. When I first moved everything was just a mess, and I wasn't in the right mind frame. Then I met Gina and things just kind of clicked and the world made sense and I don't know. I've never been in a relationship as serious as this one, and it just scared me. And I didn't want to make it seem like it was a big deal or anything.”

I can't help but to laugh a little, “Nothing is a big deal around here, Bell. You know that. I mean I pretty much came out when you all caught me making out with a girl on your guy’s couch the morning after a party, and no one batted an eye.” I offer them both seats and pizza then take my spot back at the table.

“Oh my God, that was probably the funniest thing to ever walk in on,” Raven says laughing loudly.  
“I mean honestly though, you two were going to town, I’m pretty sure if we walked in 5 minutes later we would have found you with your head between her legs,” Octavia laughs remembering the morning.

“I'm still slightly mortified from seeing that though,” Bellamy adds in. “It was like seeing Octavia make out with Lincoln.” he shudders taking a sip of his beer.

I can’t help but to roll my eyes at them. The rest of the night was filled with endless stories about the shenanigans the four of us got into when we were in high school and college. Stories that I’m sure Gina wasn’t ready to hear and some stories I don’t think Lincoln had ever heard before.

An easy smile falls on my face as I look around the room. It had easily been over a year since everyone had been together. I take a long pull off my beer and lean back into my chair falling into the easy conversation flowing around me. And just like that, everything feels like college again. Beer, pizza, and family.


	5. Lexa

Up until Costia's accident my favorite way to wake up on a Saturday morning was by having Asher jump into our bed and tell us it’s time to make him pancakes and watch cartoons with him. Honestly, hat is still my favorite way to wake up on a Saturday, it’s just hard some days. Today is one of those days. I grab Asher and wrestle him down onto the bed tickling his sides. His laughter fills the room and I can’t help but to feel bad about not being completely full and happy.

“Pancakes mommy?!” He asks between breaths from laughing so hard.

“Would today be Saturday if I didn’t make you pancakes?”

The clock on the stove reads 6:00 am. I’ve never particularly been a morning person. Well, if you consider waking up at 8:00 am a morning person then that’s what I am. But since we moved in Asher has been waking up at 6 pretty much everyday. He gets that from Costia. I would wake up to the smell of coffee at 6 most mornings. I miss waking up to that smell and knowing that when I walked into the kitchen she would be standing there, reading the paper in one of my button downs.

I take a deep breath in and reach in the cupboard asking Asher to pull the milk out of the refrigerator. He pulls his step stool over to the refrigerator and climbs up pulling the doors open and grabbing the carton of milk out. He climbs up onto the stool at the island and then onto the counter getting close to where I am to help make the pancakes.

“Are we thinking blueberry, chocolate chip, or cinnamon ones this morning, bud?”

“Chocolate chip,” he states without a thought.

“Good call,” I grab the chocolate chips out of the pantry above the stove and open the bag handing it to him. “You get to decide how many we put in them today. Just not the whole bag. I don’t think Miss Stacy wants to have you bouncing off the walls all day while mommy is at work.”

“I like Miss Stacy, she colors with me,” he pours just over half the bag into the bowl and hands the package back to me. I give him the spoon and tell him to carefully mix them in.

“Does she play dinosaurs with you?” 

“S’mtimes. She isn’t as good of a dinosaur as you.”

I turn back from the pantry and start acting like a dinosaur. Asher shrieks and stands up on the counter so he's the same height as me. He stretches his arms out and makes a shrill sound followed by a noise that indicates that he's flying around. As soon as I’m close enough he jumps off the counter and into my arms. He giggles and for the first time in a couple days I feel full and complete.

Something so small means so much to him and there isn’t any way that can’t fill my heart. Getting my day started proved to be far more difficult than it usually seems to be. After the pancakes were made Asher and I made a small fort to watch cartoons from while we ate. I just wanted to stay there and spend my whole day with him, just playing pretend and staying in our PJs.

About twenty minutes before Stacy was supposed to be to the house to watch Asher she sent me a text saying that she had spent her morning throwing up. She was certain that it was just food poisoning, but to be safe I just told her to not worry about coming over and to feel better.

I rush into the bakery, Asher hot on my heels fifteen minutes after I was supposed to be there. Anya looks up from the register and watches me walk into the back of the shop.

“Alright little guy, I got you some coloring books and a bag full of the toys you wanted to bring. Think you can be a big boy for me and hang out here until Aunt Anya can take you home?”

Asher just nods and opens the box of crayons and flips open the cartoon dinosaur coloring book that was sat in front of him. I grab my apron off the hook and tie it around my waist before pulling my hair back into a bun.

“I am soooooo sorry that I am late. Stacy has food poisoning and can't watch Asher so I had to bring him here. I feel ridiculous that I have to lock my kid away in the back room today,” Anya just looks at me.

“Dude, you're totally fine. You're a mom. Mom's have like a grace period of 20 minutes before anyone can get mad at them. Unless your kid is like an adult. Or old enough you know?”

“I had a bad morning and that just set everything back,” Anya pulls me into a hug and then holds me at arm's length. “Well, it wasn’t a bad morning, but like, you know… a morning.”

“You're allowed those kinds of mornings. If you feel bad for locking Asher up back there, the table in front of the register is open and you can see it from pretty much anywhere behind the counter. I'll move him out here. And like any responsible aunt I'll give him milk and fresh cookies.”

Anya disappears to the back room and I start doing busy work. Making sure the coffee area is cleaned and ready to brew as soon as the pot is near empty. I rearrange the pastries in the display case and then end up putting them back where they were.

Costia always told me that when I was stressed I over organized everything. Or cleaned too much. I never really thought there was a such thing as cleaning too much, but there were a handful of times in grad school where I remember scrubbing the counter 3 or 4 times because I was convinced it was still dirty.

I've grown out of that habit for the most part. It is really hard to keep your home clean when you've got a 4 year old running around and constantly making a mess. Anya and Asher appear from the back of the bakery and unload an arm load of things onto the table at the booth in front of me. I smile watching her set him up there while he dips his cookie into his glass of milk.

“Stop staring. It's like you're a mom or something,” Anya pipes up leaning against the front of the counter, watching Asher almost as intently as me.

“Shut up.” I roll my eyes at her, “How's the morning been?”

“Kind of light. I think everyone is out of town this weekend. School is starting soon so I'm sure families are enjoying the last little bit of break they get before school gets the best of them.” Anya looks over the shop before reaching for the rag behind the counter. She walks over to a couple tables that are vacant and wipes them down and slides the chairs back to their respective spots. 

I keep myself busy, milling around the shop cleaning odds and ends up. Anya was right when she said business was light today. There's probably been 5 customers in the hour and a half I've been working.

“I was hoping I'd see you today,” I look up from the magazine I was idly flipping through to see a mess of blonde hair and those bright blue eyes.

I feel my cheeks flush. Setting the magazine down I walk over to the register area, “wouldn't be a Saturday if I weren't here.” I shake my head and internally smack myself for such a stupid response.

“Well, originally I was in the area to buy more paint,” she lifts up a bag she was holding at her waist. “But then I thought to myself ‘what can make a lazy, paint filled Saturday better?’ And I came to the conclusion scones and black coffee might help a girl out.”

The small smile that was playing on my lips grows a little bigger, “Well you got a cranberry one the other day right? We don't have any of those today, but I highly suggest the apple ones. I'd say blueberry, but those things sicken me. Anya just insists we have them though because she likes them.”

“Blueberries are probably the worst fruit. They're so,” Clarke makes a disgusted face and I can't help but to laugh.

“The face accurately depicts how I feel about them too.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Asher slide out of the booth and walk towards the entrance of the back room. “Oh gosh, can you give me just a second? I'm sorry.”

I walk over to the opening in the counter kneeling down to Asher’s height, “Hey little man, what's up?”

“I gotta go potty,” I glance back towards Clarke. She's watching the interaction and catches my eye.

“I'll be right back.”

I walk Asher over to the employee bathroom and tell him to come get me when he's all finished up and I'll make him a sandwich for lunch. I walk back up front and see Anya helping someone else at the counter. Just as I think Clarke left I see her sitting at the same booth Asher was just sitting in.

I fill up a large coffee and grab one of the apple scones out of the case putting it in a bag and folding it down neatly. I move out into the dining area of the shop and place the coffee down on the table in front of her.

“Normally we don't do table side delivery, but I guess I can make this exception once,” I roll my eyes at myself and shake my head. I don't ever remember being this lame and nervous around girls ever in my life and here I am, being a stupid idiot.

“Oh, the girl who is at the register now told me I could sit here and wait for you. So is it take your kid to work day?” Clarke takes a sip of her coffee and I slip in the other side of the booth.

“The sitter has food poisoning, so I had to bring him in. I feel like a total jerk, but he seems to be enjoying himself somehow. I mean he’s basically just coloring, which is probably what he would be doing at home anyway.”

“I can hang around and hang out with him,” Clarke offers opening her scone and breaking off a piece.

“I can't ask you to do that,” I twirl the ring on my finger around looking at her.

“You didn't ask. I offered, kids are cool. Plus the painting I started today capital S-u-c-k, sucks. So, who knows, maybe Asher will be my muse.”

Almost on cue, Asher runs around the corner of the counter with a big smile on his face and climbs into my lap. I brush the shaggy hair out of his eyes and place a kiss on top of his head before setting him next to me.

“Did you draw that?” Clarke asks pointing at the small hand drawn dinosaur next to the cartoon one on the coloring page.

Asher nods and buries his head into my side. “Hey bud. How do you feel about Dr. Griffin hanging out with you for a bit?” Asher shrugs looking up at me.

“Is it lunch time yet? My tummy wants candy.”

“Your tummy or you?”

“Tummy.” He answers like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Maybe if you're a good boy your mommy will let you go to the candy shop after she gets out.”

Asher’s eyebrows raise up under his hairline and he looks at Clarke with wide eyes, then back at me with the same expression.

“Can we mommy?” I look at Clarke with a raised brow and she just shrugs with a smirk on her face.

“How about you eat lunch and when the end of the day comes we’ll talk about it?”

Asher nods eagerly again and grabs a crayon off the table and flips his coloring book page over. Clarke hands me a $5 for her coffee and scone.

“It's on me today. If you end up sticking around until I'm done, you can buy Asher c-a-n-d-y or something.”

Clarke smiles wider than I've seen anyone smile before and my God is it the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. “Deal.”

I place the ham and cheese sandwich I packed for Asher in front of him and head back behind the counter. Immediately Anya is next to me elbowing me in the side.

“Dr. Hottie over there seems to like you,” I roll my eyes at her and set the pan that I was cleaning onto the drying rack.

“I think Dr. Griffin likes my kid. Not me.” I dry my hands on the towel hanging off my waist.

I look over my shoulder to the table they're both sitting at and can't help the natural smile that comes to me. I feel a small pang of hurt in my chest and lean back against the counter. “Stop thinking so much,” Anya says from behind me.

“I just made myself feel guilty for feeling the smallest amount of happy. When does this end?”

“Lex, I can only tell you so many times that you don't need to feel guilty. You're a human being. Costia would be so proud of you for getting up and out of bed and living your life. You know she's watching out for you and Asher. You know she would want you to be happy.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I let out a heavy sigh and go to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Anya walks over to me with a mischievous look in her eyes.

“How about this. Since we are our own bosses, and it's deader than a beach in the middle of winter,” I raise an eyebrow at her analogy but let her continue. “Why don't we just call it a day. Close down a few hours early and enjoy a Saturday. Maybe ask Dr. Hottie out.”

“Her name is Clarke,” I didn't realize until now how I liked the way her name sounded rolling off my tongue. “And I kind of already did,” I feel my cheeks flush again.

Why am I blushing over something so benign as getting candy with my son and someone I've had, now, 3 conversations with.

“No you didn't! You never ask anyone out! The last time you did that was on a dare with that one girl in high school.” Anya’s eyes are wide.

“Yeah, that turned out to be terrible too. But she told Asher that if he was good while I was working and she was hanging out with him that maybe I'd take him to the candy store down the street. So I said if she were still around after I got out, she could come with us and buy some for him.”

“Shut. Up.” Anya slaps my arm and let's out a little squeal. My eyes flash over to where the two of them sat making sure they didn't hear her at all. “What did she say?!” Anya looks over at the two of them and then looks back at me.

“She just said ‘deal’.”

“Lexa has a date!” She starts to do a weird dance and I can't help but to full on laugh at how ridiculous she is. Both Asher and Clarke look over at the two of us. Asher instantly going back to whatever he's drawing, Clarke's eyes lingering a little while longer.

“Alright, so it stands. We close in 15. You go on your candy date with that gorgeous creature and your beautiful baby boy and I expect to hear absolutely everything when you get home.”

Anya walks away and begins wiping the counter down near the register. I start clearing the remainder of the pastries out of the case placing them in a to go box.

It's a miracle that I'm not a thousand pounds. I'm not saying that my baked goods are the best, but they are. Baking was like an escape for me when I was a little kid. It just so happened to work out that Isabella was, well I guess still technically is, a pastry chef. She got my dad into baking, and as much as Anya used to complain about it, she's pretty incredible at it too.

After making sure the store was cleaned spotless Anya counted the drawer and got the nightly deposit ready while I helped Asher clean up his toys and coloring books. Clarke surprisingly stuck around. I didn't expect her to, it isn't like she owes me anything or that we even know each other well.

Internally I tried to keep myself from freaking out, hence the spotless shop. I got all of Asher’s things collected and packed back up the in the bag we brought them in. He asked if he could use the bathroom one last time before we left and when I nodded he booked it to the back of the store.

I couldn't ask for an easier child. He's so calm and collected most of the time that it surprises me that he’s actually mine. Maybe it was all those early mornings he spent with Costia, she was always the easy going one. 

Whenever I think things are getting easier, he does something that reminds me of her, even the smallest kind of thing, and it sets in she still isn't around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Another chapter should be up within the next week or so!


	6. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eesh. Sorry it's been a minute. Life man. Life.

“Day after day, one step at a time,” I hear Lexa whisper under her breath as she watches Asher run to the back room of the store.

“What was that?” I ask standing up from the booth collecting my garbage.

“Oh. Nothing, just something that helps me get through the day.” I look at her, trying to read what is going on with her by her face.

I took a bullshit course in college, one that I didn't even know was an actual thing. It was like reading body language and facial expressions. Both Raven and Octavia made fun of me for it, and if I would have actually taken anything from the class I'd throw it in their faces over and over. I never really got it, it never really stuck. But it doesn't mean I don't still try to read what's going through people's heads from how they're acting.

It didn't even dawn on me that I sat and colored with Asher for nearly two hours. There is something about kids that just makes life easier. They don't quite know what the world is like and they just live day to day as something new. It's almost enviable. Almost.

“What's that?” Lexa points to the drawing on the table.

“Oh, your son has really nice features to sketch,” I slam my eyes closed and shake my head. “That sounded absolutely creepy.”

Lexa only laughs. And by God is it one of the most angelic sounds I have ever heard in my life. I've never been enamored right off the bat. I've never looked at someone and just been like “holy shit” but dammit when I walked into that exam room it was nearly a stop dead in my tracks and stare with my mouth agape.

Never in my life have I really felt love, not that this is love, or ever will be. I don't know what it is. 

There was this one time, with Finn and I don't know if I was just hanging on for him or what. But I never loved him. I think he was just a comfortable feeling in a bad time in my life. That's what happens when people get sick, or hurt, you just kind of settle for comfortable, even if it isn't what you want.

Finn was a time in my life I can't get back. He was attentive, and thoughtful. But he wasn't a good person. Sometimes I still blame myself for his disappearing. But you can't force yourself to love someone, even as much as I tried.

More times than not I think that maybe I'm incapable of actual love. However, maybe I just haven't actually found someone I deem worthy of giving myself to completely.

“He really does,” she finally says. Asher climbs back into the booth and stands on the seat stretching his arms to Lexa. “He's super photogenic too. My mother wanted me to enter him into a Gerber baby competition when he was like 3 months old, but we kind of just wanted to keep his precious face to ourselves.”

The ‘we’ part doesn't go unnoticed by me, but I don't feel it's quite my place to ask who ‘we’ are.

She hoists Asher up onto her hip and I just stare in amazement. It's crazy to me how mothers basically become what some consider to be superhuman. Currently Lexa has Asher on her hip. His backpack full of toys and things on her shoulder, a purse hanging at her elbow and a box of what I can only assume to be left overs in her open hand.

“I can give you a hand with some stuff,” I offer and relief flashes over her face. She hands me the box she was holding and hitches Asher higher up on her hip.

“Thank you. He's in this ‘I really don't want to walk’ phase. I thought that was only like a toddler thing, but I've been proven incorrect.” Lexa rolls her eyes. It's becoming annoying how intrigued I am with every single motion she does. “It's pretty annoying, but cute nonetheless,” she whispers.

“Want me to take anything home? I'm gonna go to the gym, but I figured I can stop off and drop some things off if you need me to.” The other girl from the shop comes up and stands near Lexa, almost too close and I feel a small hint a jealousy bubble in my stomach.

What the hell Clarke? You have no idea who that girl is. And why are you even being jealous? It isn't like you two are dating. Or going to date. Or that she's even into you. She did say ‘we’ remember. This could be the e to the we. 

I shake my head at how ridiculous I am being inside my brain. I shift my weight from one hip to the other and watch the interaction between the two girls. Before I know it the box is being lifted out of my hands and the other girl is walking away with it along with Asher's backpack.

“Still care to accompany us down the street?” Lexa asks pulling me out of my head.

I nod my head and let an easy smile fall onto my lips, “Absolutely! Little secret between you and I, I think I have more of a sweet tooth than most children.”

“Wait until you see Asher. It got to a point where we had to tell him he was only allowed to have a piece a day and the only way to earn more was to make sure he cleaned up after himself. I think it was the only way we made it through the twos.”

I let the curiosity get the best of me, “We? You and her?” I point toward the direction of the door.

“Who? Anya?” Lexa laughs that laugh I've been playing over in my head for the last 20 minutes. “No. No. No. She's my half sister. We have part co-ownership of the company. My dad and her mom own the other half.”

“Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense.” Relief runs through my veins. Not like it matters. There could still be someone else.

Lexa casually brushes off the ‘we’ question. She opens up the front door of the store and holds it open for me to walk through. She pulls out a set of keys and locks the door behind us. 

Most of my Saturdays are spent walking around the small little downtown area. There is an awesome art supplies shop that has some of the best deals I've ever seen. Over the years the owners have become people I consider friends. They've bought a couple of my paintings off me, and they hang on their walls.

It's almost a proud thing for me. Actually it definitely is a proud thing for me. I never thought anyone would ever want to buy my work. I personally don't think it's the best regardless of what everyone else tells me. But, you know, they say you are your own worst critic.

A couple of the other shops are antique stores. Those ones have some pretty cool items in them too, and if I actually put any effort in decorating my condo, I'd go and buy some things from there. But I'm too indecisive, I don't know what I want my living area to look like, at least that’s what I’ve been saying for the last 2 years.

Lexa stops abruptly and I almost run into her. She sets Asher down on the ground grabbing his hand. Once Asher peers in the window his eyes get wide when he notices the candy inside. He starts jumping up and down and I can't help but to get excited with his excitement. 

Lexa starts laughing at the two of us. She pulls the door to the shop open and I hold it letting her and Asher walk in before me. Just inside the door Lexa kneels down in front of Asher and grabs his hands, “Will you be on your best behavior for me?”

Asher nods eagerly, continuing to jump up and down again. Lexa grabs a bag that Asher can fill up and they begin walking down one of the aisles. Before Asher opens any container to place a scoop into the bag he looks up at Lexa with wondering eyes and every time she gives him a small nod.

The smile on my face grows a bit each time he does that. I can't help but to think about how of all the mothers I've met or come across that Lexa is hands down the best one. She connects with Asher on a level that seems almost friendly instead of parental. There is a level of respect Asher has for her that a lot of families I’ve met lack

I reach into one of the jelly bean containers and drop a couple into my hand. Asher’s bag is almost full by the time I make it over to them and he still has the biggest grin on his face. Lexa unwraps a lollipop and hands it to him crumpling up the wrapper and shoving it into her pocket.

“My bag is all full Mommy!” Asher lifts the bag up to Lexa and she grabs it from him.

“You packed a lot in there little man. Do you remember the rules?”

Asher nods once and looks up at Lexa, “One piece of candy a day unless I help you clean.”

Lexa nods and looks up from him over to me with a smile on her face. “I'm not sure how I got a kid who is so easy, but I'm not complaining.”

She makes her way over to the register with a giant bag of candy and Asher by her side. She places the bag on the scale and goes to reach for her wallet in her purse. I step up to the counter and place my hand on her forearm.

“I told you I'd get it,” I pull my wallet out of my pocket and hand the clerk my card.

“You don't have to do that, I was only kidding.” I shake my head replacing my wallet back into my pocket.

“Consider it a thank you for the late breakfast.” 

“Thank you. Really.” Lexa gives me a smile. I take a mental picture of it. She has a smile that could cure diseases. I follow her back towards the bakery parking lot. It's weird how comfortable I am already with the silence. I've always had a problem with things being quiet.

When I was a kid I would have music playing when I tried to fall asleep. Whenever I was studying in college, classical music was a must. I have a really ridiculous old school rap playlist for when I'm doing any art at home. It's comforting, and slightly embarrassing. Raven and Octavia have made fun of me endlessly for it. 

“Thanks for spending your afternoon with Asher,” Lexa turns to me once we reach her car. Asher begins climbing into it and buckling himself in his booster seat.

“Oh it's not a problem, I enjoyed myself. More than you'd know.”

Out of nowhere a roll of thunder sounds and the clouds begin turning grey. I look up to the sky and it's almost like mother nature was having a good day and then someone said something to piss her off. The storm will probably end up being pretty gross.

“Need a ride?”

“Oh it's no problem. I only live a couple blocks from here. It's okay.”

“Right, and you’d be caught in the rain. Don't make the mother in me come out.”

I shake my head at her and walk around to the passenger side of the car. Lexa finishes buckling Asher in and then climbs into the driver seat. She turns on the car and it's filled with the sounds of kids music.

The most time I've spent around kids was during my peds internship, and clearly now. I haven't really spent a lot of time with families, or families with kids at least. Quietly Asher starts singing the unfamiliar song.

“Sorry about the music. He insisted we listened to it on the way here and he has a tendency to throw less fits having to sit in that seat if it's playing.” Lexa turns the volume down a little bit, “Where to?”

I tell her to head straight on the street that runs parallel to the bakery. I give her brief directions, left here, right there, past that stop sign and house with the weird lawn ornaments, and a left onto the street leading into the condo complex.

She pulls into the driveway I directed her to and she slides her SUV into park.

“I almost bought a condo in here,” Lexa finally says after a second. “I ended up buying a house back further into the sub division, more room for Asher to run around.”

The rain finally starts, and for a moment the car is silent, the only sound being that of the raindrops hitting the roof and windows. Asher continues singing the unfamiliar song and kicks the back of the passenger side seat. I look back at him and smile, “thank you,” I say without even thinking about it.

“For today I mean. I would have honestly just spent my entire day cooped up in the house. More than likely covered in paint, probably without having eaten anything at all.” I turn towards Lexa. “Thank you. It was nice.”

“Oh, I should be the one thanking you. You’re the one who sat and hung out with my 4 year old for the majority of the day.”

“He’s probably the coolest 4 year old I have spent time with. That sounds like I spend a lot of time with 4 year olds, and while I kind of do, I don’t hang out with them on my free time. I mean I would if I knew a ton of 4 year olds to hang out with,” I shake my head rolling my eyes. “Right, because that didn’t sound creepy. I need to stop talking.”

Lexa laughs and I take that sound and lock it away in the back of my mind. Such an incredible laugh, “You sound totally fine. I got lucky with him. He’s the easiest kid considering where we’re at right now.”

I can’t help but to let the curiosity finally get the best of me, “with like moving to a new city?” I shake my head telling myself I sound stupid for asking what I asked, but other than asking it like that, I had no real idea how to ask anything about her. I’ve never really been good at making small talk with people I find unrealistically attractive.

“The new city, the new house, the new bakery. My fiance passed away about a year ago. I kind of expected him to act out after the accident, but his personality never changed. He was a very easy baby, an easy toddler, and so far an even easier kid.” Lexa wrings her hands in her lap continuing to stare down at them. She takes a deep breath in and holds it for a second a tear sliding down her cheek. “Sorry, I don’t really talk about it.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry for asking about it. I thought,” I stop before saying anything, not really knowing what I thought she would say. It definitely wasn’t that. I wasn’t expecting her to say that her fiance died and that she was left being a single mother. “I don’t know what I thought honestly.”

Lexa looks back at Asher an easy smile falling across her face. She looks at him a little while longer and turns back towards me, “it’s okay, we’re working through it. One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time.” 

“Thank you,” I touch Lexa’s arm gently, “for telling me. I know you didn’t have t--”. Lexa shakes her head looking down at my hand on her arm.

“I wanted to. You’re the first person I’ve actually wanted to tell and I have no idea why.” She looks down in her lap and begins playing with the ring on her pointer finger letting out a low chuckle. A silence falls over the car for a couple minutes before Asher begins kicking the back of my seat again. I finally slide my hand off of Lexa’s arm and look back to Asher and give him a cheesy smile before looking back at Lexa.

“I should probably be getting inside while the rain is light. Thank you. Thank you so much, for the coffee and for letting me hang out with you two today. And thank you for opening up, I know you didn’t have to but it means a lot that you did.”

I reach back into the back of the car and scruff Asher’s hair, “thanks for letting me color with you today buddy. Maybe we can do it again soon.” He gives me a toothy grin and mumbles a goodbye while playing with a toy dinosaur.

“May we see each other soon,” Lexa says before unlocking the door to let me out of the car.

“Keep making those scones and I’ll be there every morning,” I pop the door open and wave quicky before slipping out and heading towards the front door of my condo.


End file.
